Growing up in the 80’s, I was exposed to the “graphic novel” revolution at an early age. Instead of contrite story lines and repeating scenarios, these stories broke off from the mainstream and were often filled with dark characters and profound events not seen in the conventional comics of the time. When I read Watchmen on Christmas day, 1986, I was in awe of these new characters, the complex plot, and the ultimate, unexpected ending.

Since that day, I have read the book at least 15 times and, most recently purchased the motion comics on iTunes. Needless to say, I was pretty excited when I heard about the movie release and true to my form, I was there on opening day to witness the realization of my favorite book on the big screen. What a huge disappointment.

So, because I am so depressed about it, I am giving my top 6 reasons the movie sucked. Warning, SPOILERS below!

1. Gratuitous use of blue penis
   Seriously? Look, I appreciate the fact that they were going for realism. But, without explaining why Dr. Manhattan was always naked (He didn’t feel hot or cold and was slowly losing his humanity, he really didn’t understand the use of clothing anymore), they reduced this extremely complex and powerful character to a laughing stock. Every time he hit the screen, there were a ton of laughs from the audience. Now, I get the fact that it was funny. It really was, but it wasn’t supposed to be.
2. No mention of Tales of the Black Freighter
   I realize that the movie was 2.5 hours long and they couldn’t go into it completely. But no mention at all, really? It was one of the best parts of the novel.
3. Only a slight mention of Veidt’s obsession with Alexander
   The whole reason Veidt did what he did was because of his completely skewed “understanding” of what Alexander The Great was trying to achieve. The explanation in the book gives you some reference to why a “great” man would kill to achieve peace. However, the movie leaves this unmentioned and misunderstood.
4. Veidt’s plan was largely unexplored
   The ending made Veidt seem like a crazy person who wanted to rule the world. He didn’t explain his plan very well, or reveal enough detail that it could be fully understood. He wanted to unify and pacify the earth. And while he might have been “crazy”, his plan of “an intractable problem can only be solved by stepping beyond conventional solutions” and that Alexander and Veidt both understood this separated by 2000 years worth of history, was completely lost.
5. The end, Dr. Manhattan = Giant Squid?
   Seriously, by making Dr. Manhattan the “weapon” of Veidt’s plan the viewer is missing the whole point of the book. An outside threat, or threat from another world, would unify squabbling nations and force us all to work together in the face of a far greater danger. If that danger were Dr. Manhattan, not only would unification be pointless, but it’s possible nations would unite against the USA because he fought on our side in the past. In fact, it’s more likely that nations would perceive this as an attack from the United States, not Dr. Manhattan himself. Ridiculous!
6. The twin towers visible in every background shot of the city
   I get it, it was cool to see them dominate the NYC skyline again, and it did make you realize this was a different time and place, but seriously? They were in at least 7 shots in the movie. I mean, were they always facing the city? It just seemed cheap.

So, there you have it. Another perfect example of how to completely ruin on of the best stories ever told. All in all the movie wasn’t horrible. I enjoyed watching it and will probably watch it again. But, knowing what I know about the story, I can only feel a bit of sadness for the bulk of the population who has seen the movie, but not read the book. What fascinating details they are missing.

Today, I am no longer a subscriber to Sirius Satellite Radio. After two years of loyal subscribership, the company tossed me away like I was nothing. I loved it, wanted to keep it, but they feel like I owe them more that I should and I have to draw the line somewhere. Let me explain.

Two weeks ago, I noticed my radios stopped working. I tried to log into my account, no dice. I was baffled, but didn’t have time to call until today. After 15 minutes of frustratingly yelling instructions to the automated teller I finally got to a real person.

Paul seemed like a nice guy. He quickly pulled up my account and informed my that my account had been closed. “What”? I asked, immediately confused. “You were canceled for non-payment” he said. I replied that I had been on auto bill from my debit card and his reply was, “Yes, I see that but the last transaction didn’t go through, you’ll have to call the bank to find out why”. “Oh, well” I said… “Not sure what happened, but let me take care of it right now.” This is when the hammer fell. Paul informed me that I needed to pay the past due ammout (a whopping $12), and then pay a whole new setup, and activation fee to start a new account.

So, after two years, something happened, the bill wasn’t paid, and they just cut me off? No calls, no emails, nothing. They must not want me as a customer. Listen, I’m not sure how his happened, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to give them more money just because of some bank issue. The account has been fully funded since I opened it.

So, after that long conversation on the phone and several angry emails, I give up. Sorry Howard, I will miss you. I pulled the radio out of my car and threw it in the trash. I don’t need it that bad. Besides, there’s always bittorrent.